Saturday, October 23, 2010

it's almost winter

Today is a cold, overcast day, and on days like today, I just want to stay in my jammies, drink hot cocoa, and read a good book. Instead, I slept in, made me and Simon breakfast, dropped Steve off at the doctor to get LASIK done on his eyes, came home took a really long shower, got dressed, went back 2 hours later to pick up Steve, watched most of his procedure because two hours later he was still waiting, stopped at McDonalds, came home, put Simon down for a nap, ate, put Steve to bed, sat downstairs on the computer while I listened to Simon playing with his toys instead of napping, waited for him to start crying for me before I got him out of his bed (is that awful), made sure Steve was still breathing enough, got Simon out of bed, came downstairs, had him eat some of my leftover nuggets and pumpkin pie thing (awful I know!), turned on the tv, got back on the computer, checked to make sure Steve was still breathing enough, got back on computer, let Simon watch the baseball game, check on Steve again, and here I am still on the computer. I should really start thinking about dinner... It is almost 6.

So yesterday Simon started doing this thing where he will look at me with his tilted down make a mean face at me, and then look up and smile huge and start laughing, it is so adorable, I am going to have to try to get a video. Another he has started to do is to tell me to go away. If he doesn't want me around or I am bugging him, he will push me away and say "Go away!" It makes me kinda sad, but at the same time it is really hilarious because he is asserting himself so well and telling me what he wants (or doesn't want).

The past couple of weeks Simon has really been starting to favor Steve, I guess I always knew this was coming, but it is still hard for me. He is almost two and he has always been my little buddy. He always wanted me when he was tired, or hungry, or hurt, but now he "want Daddy, want Daddy!" most of the time and he doesn't want me anymore. If he wants Steve and Steve is holding him and I come over, he pushes my face away with his hands and says "go away!" So sad. It breaks my heart. I need a new baby, one that has to have me to survive.
Another thing Simon does lately that I find cute (I find everything he does is cute) is he will tell me if there is a mess- he points at whatever it is and says mess, mess. In fact he is doing it right now. We got a new tv stand that has sliding doors that we can hide junk behind when company comes, and one of the shelves is Simon toys and the rest is video game systems- yes plural- ur tv stand must have room for a ps2, xbox, xbox 360, wii, computer, cable box, router, and soon a ps3 (steve gets one for graduation) bu anyways, in this we have totes that hold the controllers and games for each system and he grabbed one of them and it started to tip and he started to yell mess, mess, and managed to get it back onto the shelf without dropping it or anything in it.
I am starting to wonder why I am typing of this play by play of my day. I think it is because I am bored with Steve being in bed and Simon yelling at me to go away everytime I try to play with him. This makes me worrry about what it will be like when I am a stay-at-home mom. Am I going to truly enjoy like I think I will? Will Simon hate being with me all the time? Will I go insane without interaction with people all day? Will I be a good mom and do all the fun things I plan on doing with him every day? Am I going to get depressed because it is going to be cold and wintery outside? Am I going to feel like taking Simon on walks in the wagon he got from his Grammy and Grampy? (we are going to give it to him for either his bday or christmas- it is currently still in steves parents garage) Will I survive and be happy? Will I do as good of a job keeping Simon on a good schedule like his Vovo does? Will we do arts and craft projects together? Will he still take naps? (oh please, oh please keep taking naps, please don't stop at 2 like your cousin Bryant did) Will I be good at feeding him balanced meals and snacks? I'm good at planning them...Will I discipline him enough, too much? Will I be a good stay-at-home mom? I think I have been a really good working mom... so many things to worry about, but in the meantime, I am going to put down the computer, publish this post, play with my son, make dinner, and do my best to make sure that I won't become the crappy mom I worry about becoming and just enjoy my weekend with my son. and stop him before he throws all of my sewing supplies onto the floor, what is the point of a baby gate if your son can climb around on the steps? he just goes up the first step- out through the gap, onto my sewing machine table, and up and around to the next step, oh gotta go for sure, he found nail clippers and is trying to cut his nails!

3 comments:

Leserlee said...

Stop stressing about it. You will love it some days and hate it other days. You will do what you want to do. Whether it's a good schedule or arts and crafts, or healthy meals. Whatever you set your mind to do, you can achieve it. Except for the naps thing. That is up to him. You can always put him in his bed for an hour for "quiet time" though. Books, toys, whatever to keep him occupied. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!

Leserlee said...

P.S. I love you!

dacjohns said...

This is a very cute blog. I think you stress too much about being a good mom. You are a good mom. You just have to remember that Simon is growing and with that comes independence. Once you are a stay at home mom, you will have more time with Simon and can do lots of fun stuff. Then I think he will enjoy being around you more. Take him to the park and the library. Find a good friend for him to have play time with. He will love that and so will you. Love you all. :)